The Romney Republican Revival

by Natalie

President Elect Romney,

You need a re-branding. Now it might seem as if this message is coming a bit late in your campaign, but you still have time to make an impact upon a few weary voters. Unfortunately, you will not get elected because people like you. If you get elected, it will be because they hate Obama. Whatever gets you in Office, right?

Wrong. Republicans need an image overhaul, and you need to be the face of that image, much in the way Obama embodies all that is youthful, energetic and educated for Democratic voters. The problem is that you are stuck between the Tea Party and the fact that you would rather be portrayed as a moderate. Democrats are young, hip, and cool. They care about things like equality, education, and Greenpeace, whereas Republicans are heartless, and consumed with guns, gas and gays. Now you tell me, who sounds like the friendlier option?

I’m a 23 year old college educated woman. I always vote Republican, but am a registered Independent so that I do not have to admit my dirty little secret to my open-minded, liberated Democratic peers. Because to do so would annhilate the fact that I too care about saving the whales. I would have to constantly defend the fact that I am concerned about our children, would like to see stricter gun laws, and would really love to stop talking about the bedroom activities of gays, without being told that I’m a closet Democrat. Republicans have hearts too. They’re just locked safely overseas somewhere in a Swiss bank account. I’m kidding. That was a joke.

Which is another problem; Obama can crack a joke, and the crowd goes wild. You, on the other hand, cannot. A sense of humor should not be considered a qualifier for president, but it sure as heck helps. This election is reminiscent of high school politics, where Obama is the underqualified yet much loved class clown, and you’re the guy making straight A’s who can’t understand why the rest of the school just doesn’t see it your way. While Obama is high fiving everyone in his path, you’re grumbling, “Oh, he just thinks he’s so cool.” Well yeah. That’s because he is.

It’s cool to be a Democrat. Somehow Democrat has become synonymous with tolerant, while Republicans are repressed and close minded. Republicans don’t help their cause either; always whining about the Democrats; it’s time to go on the offensive, and define hip as more than just endorsing Occupy Wall Street.

We need to get out there, stop spewing about the First and Second Amendments, and play some beach volleyball. If I recall, the press loves pictures of a shirtless Obama. Having what it takes is not going to win you this election. Wear some tie-dye, schedule an audience with the Dalai Lama, and high five your wife in public. Show that Republicans are multi-dimensional, and please, please make me proud to cast my vote for you in November.